Desire, people pleasing and FOMO

We've talked about fear. Now let's talk about the sneakier ones. The feelings that don't feel scary at all, but still pull you away from what you actually know.

When you want it badly

Let's be honest, this is a big one. When you really want something, a relationship to work, a job to come through, someone to come back, your mind becomes an extremely persuasive lawyer.

It finds signs everywhere. It reads meaning into everything. It produces lovely, warm, hopeful feelings that feel exactly like inner knowing.

And sometimes it is inner knowing! But often it's just wanting.

A useful test: if this didn't work out, how would you feel? If the answer is "absolutely devastated," you're probably too invested to read the situation clearly right now. That's not a criticism. That's just being human.

When you're keeping everyone happy

People pleasing is really good at disguising itself as intuition. "It just feels right to say yes." "I've got a feeling they need me."

But if you look underneath, there's often a fear: of disappointing someone, of conflict, of not being liked.

Here's a question that cuts through it: if nobody would ever be upset with me either way, what would I choose?

That's often where your actual answer is hiding.

When you're scared of missing out

FOMO is the "but what if" of yes. What if this is the opportunity? What if everyone else goes and has an amazing time? What if I never get another chance?

FOMO feels urgent. It wants you to decide now. And urgency is one of the best clues that something other than intuition is driving.

That's not a rule, sometimes things really are time-sensitive. But if you notice you're rushing, ask: who or what is making me rush?